We haven't really fallen off at Funder Cunt. There hasn't been anything funny enough to post. One of the associates is knocked up and isn't married, but that ain't shit. Whiskey Fest is coming up soon so possibly that might produce some funny shit. We're like the rap group Onyx. We don't fall off we just move from project to project, trying to find something that siuts us. Look at Sticky Fingaz for instance:
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Fell Off?
Ok, so nobody has heard from anyone on this blog in a long time, and since I have nothing better to do, I am gonna liven things up and make a little change from Trey's normal posts about taking dumps. And if nothing else, I'd rather this was the first thing you see when you look at this blog and not Trey's live or death struggle not to shit himself on a somewhat daily basis.
So I might owe everyone a little explanation as to why I have been absent for so long. Well, yours truly got himself a job working as a police officer. Yes, after 6 long grueling months of academy nonsense, I am now a proud member of the greatest police department in the world. And how to they award your humble narrator?
They stick me in HOUSING.
Yes, yours truly is now a proud member of the police department and his sole function in life for the next two years is to patrol and maintain security in the housing developments. No shit, all I do is walk around the projects, henceforth to be referred to as the 'jects.
So let me tell you all about the 'jects. They 'jects are 20% perp and 80% hard workin' folks. Now, to be honest I don't really ever deal with the hardworking folks, so we'll leave them out of this. God bless them and the ounce of morality the possess. And believe me, in this place an ounce is all you need to get our attention off of you. So that leaves us with the other side, as we call them "perps". A perp is a low life piece of shit who would literally kick his own mothers ass for lack of paying for the crack he sold her on credit. No joke, these people just sit outside all night, god only knows when they sleep, and when you approach them at 4am and ask them what they are up to they tell you to GFY.
In my short time in this place I have seen a kid get shot in the face, broken up several near riots, drawn my weapon three times (which is no joke), had shots fired less than 100 feet from me and been in at least a dozen foot pursuits. I see nothing but exposed needles and empty crack and heroin bags everywhere. There is something magical about seeing a kid practically bleed to death on a sidewalk and think, eh at least I don't have to clean it up. All jokes aside the place is a zoo.
So take that in for a minute, and when you read Trey's posts about how tough it is to sit in a nice office and try ever so hard not to shit in your pants, just think of me. Because in the 'jects they don't hold it in, they just shit on the walls. God I wish I was joking about that, I really do.
So from here on, D-Ring will now be known as Deeez Cuffs aka Fuck You and Your Rights.
Of course, I could be joking about all of this...
So I might owe everyone a little explanation as to why I have been absent for so long. Well, yours truly got himself a job working as a police officer. Yes, after 6 long grueling months of academy nonsense, I am now a proud member of the greatest police department in the world. And how to they award your humble narrator?
They stick me in HOUSING.
Yes, yours truly is now a proud member of the police department and his sole function in life for the next two years is to patrol and maintain security in the housing developments. No shit, all I do is walk around the projects, henceforth to be referred to as the 'jects.
So let me tell you all about the 'jects. They 'jects are 20% perp and 80% hard workin' folks. Now, to be honest I don't really ever deal with the hardworking folks, so we'll leave them out of this. God bless them and the ounce of morality the possess. And believe me, in this place an ounce is all you need to get our attention off of you. So that leaves us with the other side, as we call them "perps". A perp is a low life piece of shit who would literally kick his own mothers ass for lack of paying for the crack he sold her on credit. No joke, these people just sit outside all night, god only knows when they sleep, and when you approach them at 4am and ask them what they are up to they tell you to GFY.
In my short time in this place I have seen a kid get shot in the face, broken up several near riots, drawn my weapon three times (which is no joke), had shots fired less than 100 feet from me and been in at least a dozen foot pursuits. I see nothing but exposed needles and empty crack and heroin bags everywhere. There is something magical about seeing a kid practically bleed to death on a sidewalk and think, eh at least I don't have to clean it up. All jokes aside the place is a zoo.
So take that in for a minute, and when you read Trey's posts about how tough it is to sit in a nice office and try ever so hard not to shit in your pants, just think of me. Because in the 'jects they don't hold it in, they just shit on the walls. God I wish I was joking about that, I really do.
So from here on, D-Ring will now be known as Deeez Cuffs aka Fuck You and Your Rights.
Of course, I could be joking about all of this...
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