Freestyle

I think yogurt beats diarrhea in Rock Paper Scissors.
I think Rick Hendrick is going to win every race for the rest of my life.
I think the IT dept. is out to get me. Seriously, they are gonna put me over the edge.
I almost passed out when I went to take a leak this morning, and I don't know why. Went to pee, went to get water, started losing vision, landed in bed.
I think going to your friend's sweet-ass house to defend him from douchebaggery and drink on his tab is a noble cause. Seriously, though, who the F buys a house and it has a basketball court with floodlights for ballin' at night? What are you an F'ing R and B star?
I think Laphroaig makes the best whiskies on the market I can afford. This stuff makes me happy a lot. NASCAR, Scotch and smoked salmon. Welcome to last Saturday night. It was the best one I've had in a while.
I read the entire internet again today. Nothing happened. Oh, wait a minute... I just don't care about anything that happened.
Saturday crossword puzzles piss me off. They start easy early in the week and get harder throughout. But then Saturday comes and it's retarded. You have to know shit like opera singers' middle names. Hmm... wake up first weekend morning. Let's relax and get the mind going a little before I start drinking. No. Pissed off by 9AM. Goddammit. On my third for the day, though. Paralegalin' be diffiko, yo.
I think it is hysterical when my boss curses. She gave her computer screen the finger today.
Being broke blows. Not because I don't have money; money is not what I want. I just can't get my hands on more single malts and snowboard pants without it. Goddamn frail teeth! Take all my money. That dentist is so nice when I'm in there. I think it is because I am funding the little bombs she is sticking in the inside of my teeth that blow up after time.
I think she is a terrorist, and I think she is winning.