Monday

Welll, Monday nights during football season are finally here. Sweet. All I can think of today while I read the entire internet is devouring a shitstye of hot wings, drinking 5 pitchers of watered-down King, and the ensuing rage of 'rrhea that I will deal with for the next two days. This reminds me of a couple of things:

1-Diarrhea is way better at work. Then I have something to do. At home I could be drinking, or singing songs to myself, or thinking about ways to get back at the IT dept. (fuckers), but at work, it is like a little painful vacation to a crossword in my favorite stall. Plus, free toilet paper!

2-Apparently I screamed across a bar at the top of my lungs, a couple of months ago, that I get said diarrhea every Tuesday and Wednesday from Sept to Jan. I was standing next to my boss. We were back to back. She was talking to someone else. I was talking to someone else about pooping. I do a lot. And in my excitement about football, I apparently said this a little loudly. I did not know until about 15 minutes later when one of my esteemed co-writers walked up to me and said, "Every week for FOUR MONTHS?" "Yep- Wait, weren't you way the F over there?" "Yep." Yep. Mmm.

I will have to drink a lot tonight to make this memory go away.

Anywhoo, back to football. The Giants blow. Jets? Blow. Rex Grossman? Blow doesn't even do him justice. The NFC blows. The talent pool in the entire league has seriously fallen out of the you-can-be-proud-of-yourself zone. And may God continue to bless America.

This is why I drink.