What CAN bROWN DO FOR YOU?

For one the other day I actually did rip a fart and shit myself.



And this morning i am again embarrsed. I woke up from a night of complete wastedness to my girlfriend giving me morning instructions. Lock the dog behind the gate, clean up his piss and poop off the floor, and clean your own shit off the toilet seat. Last night I got wasted took a dump and left a decent sized skid mark on the rear of the toilet seat. No suprise when I really think about it. I've been pretty constipated lately so I just use the rear to get more leverage on the out squeeze. Must forgot to check myself. What?

And oh yeah, and last year at thanksgiving I went to North carloina with my family. Worst Idea ever. But anyway. I was wasted off of BLs as usual, taking a dump. When wiping I felt and extreme amount of excess on the paper. Like there was a full shit left. So I pulled the paper around to check to see what I had left to go and to my suprise there wasn't much on the paper. Wow i'm wasted I thought.

About an hour laterI'm about to walk down stairs to pass out and Iput in something on the railing. I smelling it, thinking its chocolate. But no shit, its shit. I swear I almost tasted it. So, I go to my brother and sister who were still awake at the time. Did anyone step in dog shit?...not puting to and two together. After a little investigating we discovered that it was human shit and I had some remnants on the back of my pants. So, I must have wiped off a serious amount while I was on the shitter earlier but it fell off onto the back of my pants during the paper check without me noticing. So after leaning against the railing once and sitting on the couch, There I am almost tasting my own shit with with a thirty of BLs in my body. I debated killing myself, but after getting caught whacking off by my GF I've figured what the F, Iv'e only got one life and nothing worse can possibly happen. Right?